I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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