Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
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I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
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Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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