in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
