I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Sext me about skeletons
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
