it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Pants are for mortals
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
