It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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