i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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