I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
