Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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