You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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