No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just had sex on a roof
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
