Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
