Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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