Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YAS. BRING CRAB.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize