i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?