Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school