No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves