a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
