giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
