its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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