No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
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