I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
