And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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