woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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