finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
