just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
