you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
