That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
