your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
