I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
