I think I died a long time ago.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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