her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
