he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
