Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
