I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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