everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
