omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
