just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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