i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
