And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
