not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
