so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
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