pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
tell me about the eggs
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
