i permit you to call me
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
