We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
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I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
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Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
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