I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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