I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
