If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
