is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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