your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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