Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
