i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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