About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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