Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
