Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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