Sry I called you an 8
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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