that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
