I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
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