Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
