i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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