his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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