when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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