I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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