Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
