I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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