Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Are we still banned from the library?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
