i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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