Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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