We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
