mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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